Complaint Campaign Announcement
Hello America. Today, I am announcing that I am running for president, with The Cat as my vice president.
Now, I am aware that it is a little late to announce
Canada candidacy, but I am confident that my charm, humor, convoluted lies, and fallacies will beat out the logic, reason, and commitment of the other candidates.
Because all parties have candidates at this point, and both Republicans and Democrats have their flaws, I am simply starting my own party: The Wild Party.
The first feline vice president and I are sure to serve you well. My first act in office is to give every citizen of America an Apple Watch, a Starbucks gift card, and a free kitten! My second act will be to pay off our debt to China by holding a nation wide
garbage garage sale. Bring your stuff to the White House front lawn and join the fun!!! I’m inviting all the world powers, including China, Russia, North Korea, and Texas.
I’m also planning on removing Monday from the calender… Woo Hooo!!
I’m Zach Lemon, and I honestly don’t support these messages.